"I don't like your face."
although I have never seen it before, they will slowly build an image for me through my voice and words. So a lot of people came to me and said, "you are very cute, you must be a warm person" and so on.
while thinking to myself: "that's because you haven't met me in person."
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when my parents introduced me to outsiders when I was a child, they would say, "she is more introverted, so she is timid and quiet."
until high school, I didn't know that people didn't make friends with me for other reasons.
compared to the friendliness of boys, some girls will say, "Why is she always making a bad face?" She looks so ferocious. " , "pretend to be arrogant."
sometimes you haven't done anything wrong, but if someone comes out and points at you and says, "I don't like you," one, two, three, you suddenly find that they are all in the same camp to talk about you, then you will start to reflect on yourself.
I would walk on the road when suddenly I felt like I was slapped on the back of the head and reminded myself hard: "you have to smile." Then take a deep breath and adjust your facial expression.
I even have a strange habit of reviewing chat scenes.
I crave friends more than ever before, but not because I need them.
"Don't dislike me."
they like to joke with me and excitedly say that before they knew me, they never dared to talk to me, saying that I had a face of "stay away from strangers" and looked at people with a murderous look.
then I have a second strange habit.
on the one hand, after asking the question, I can begin to explain, on the other hand, I heard them say, "Yes, but later it turns out that you are just facial paralysis."
at that time, my friends liked to say to me, "so you should smile more, don't keep a straight face all day , you smile beautifully."
while laughing, I secretly feel disappointed. Why do I explain so much, but people still can't accept it? I still think I'm deliberately keeping a straight face.
at that time, getting along with people often made me feel very deliberate and tired.
this situation continues until the second half of high school.
I can't remember exactly why. But at that age, as long as the person who doesn't like you has enough friends and agrees within the small group, then you will quickly be hated by a group of people. And when the small group that hates you is big enough, naturally no one wants to be their enemy, and then you will quickly lose the rest of your support.
although he is not liked and often feels uncomfortable, he can still create the illusion of going his own way and continue to live a comfortable and decent life in front of the enemy.
later, many people were asked by me, "do you think I'm fierce when I don't laugh, which is very different from the way I laugh?" their answers are more or less the same, but I haven't forgotten one.
I haven't forgotten because he made me realize that you can keep your most authentic appearance in front of some people.
it seems that a serious illness has left a sequela, and I still keep those two strange habits. They will still try to be warm when communicating with people, and of course they will be pointed at occasionally.
I feel a little uncomfortable, but I won't be as sad as before. Because that group of friends except for a playful smile, no one "asked" me not to keep a straight face.
I have also tried to be added to Wechat late at night, and what I received was not self-introduction, but "your cold expression is so special." only then did I know that with the change of time, space and people, other people's preferences for you will change.
but believe me, there will always be someone, at least one person, who will be willing to accept who you really are from the beginning.
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